


caution: choking hazard

by heybabybird



Series: Shit I think My Roommate’s a Crime Lord [4]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Chubby bunny, Civilian!Tim, Gen, Pre-Meeting, Start Of A Beautiful Friendship, Superboy Saves the Day, and cassie handed him OJ because she holds the braincells, bart is the one flossing if you squint hard enough, jason thinks teenagers are weird but forgot he's technically also a teenager, like really hungry, steph have a birthday, tim is hungry, tw choking on food but no one got hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:28:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26660689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heybabybird/pseuds/heybabybird
Summary: Before he could even move from his spot a teen that looked suspiciously like Superboy is by Choking Blue Eyed Chipmunk’s side, smacking his back so hard he spat out the remains of what might have been a blueberry muffin.Ew. It didn’t take long for a crowd to gather and poor Blue Eyes looked like he’s going to cry from being overwhelmed.
Relationships: Tim Drake & Jason Todd
Series: Shit I think My Roommate’s a Crime Lord [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1816756
Kudos: 169





	caution: choking hazard

**Author's Note:**

> Part of my jaytim college roommate AU; Steph is Robin #3 and Tim is their weird neighbour kid home from boarding school for the summer. This is set a few years before Tim and Jason’s official meeting and shortly after Jason’s return to the family after his resurrection. His relationship with the rest of the Batfam is still kinda funky but everyone’s trying.
> 
> (Ages are kinda vague because the DC canon confused the heck out of me- But they’re around:)  
> Dick -21  
> Jason - 18  
> Tim/Steph - 16
> 
> Not beta, sorry for the weird tenses changing all over! :’)

Not long into Jason’s first year living with Bruce, he learnt that rich people are fucking weird(weirder than he thought they already are). When you’re rich and somewhat famous people think it’s their right to get into your personal business. It’s too easy for your actions to be taken out of context and then there’s the expectation of attending every social gathering for PR reasons, whatever that means.

Bruce plays it like a game with his Brucie persona and he doesn't know whatever Dick does to deal with it but his wiki page says he’s having a rebellious phase so people tend to either give him shit or leave him alone. Jason snorts everytime he remembers the headline ‘ _Dick Grayson: Pretty Boy gone Bad?!_ ’ after someone snapped a picture of Dick covered with glitter, drunk at a bar with his friends surrounded by strippers.

( Oh right. Jason also has his own wiki page, as if things weren’t already surreal enough. Where did people even pull those crap about him from? Half of what’s written wasn’t even true. 

And then he died, and then he’s somehow alive. And _then_ , he’s legally alive. People went absolutely _ham_ on his wiki page. It would be better to just delete it all together and start fresh than try to edit it. )

Jason doesn’t particularly do parties, but he thinks that whatever fancyman galas Bruce brought him to before his timely demise were in fact, the boringest things he ever had to experience; all everyone do there is dress up in expensive clothes and stand around a big room just talking and laughing— because moving around too much would ruin their clothes— until it’s time to go home.

Then there was the mandatory ‘ _We’re so glad you’re alive!_ ’ gala Bruce made him have, which Jason was proud of himself for not shooting anyone. He remembered to smile and say things the public wanted to hear, reciting the cover story he and Bruce came up with perfectly, with feelings even. He barely survived all the cheek pinches and ‘ _You’re so big like your daddy now!_ ’ from old ladies he vaguely remembered.

The second party Jason attended after his official status of being alive, is Stephanie’s birthday. It’s actually a private event at the manor, with catering and live band playing in the back garden. Dick was supposed to be the one babysitting but he couldn’t get out of his dayjob until mid-afternoon so Bruce volunteered Jason for babysitting duty which he seems to be doing a lot of lately.

He gets that Bruce wants them to bond or whatever, and it’s nice that he’s trying to help him adjust to being in society again, but things are still a little funky and Jason doesn’t really know how to act around his siblings. Up until last week Seph was convinced Jason hated her and vice versa until they duked it out in the middle of the Batcave and Dick still got teary eyed whenever he looked at him.

He really hopes Bruce doesn’t make him have a birthday party too. Who’s he even going to invite? His crime lord buddies? Blondie herself has a wide selection of both civilian and cape friends, Jason even recognizes a few familiar faces amongst the crowd of unfamiliar ones, none worth paying attention to but there was one person that stood out in particular. A short, black haired teen hovering by the buffet table by himself, wolfing down on fries and burgers like a starving chipmunk.

( They’re from Batburger, because Steph threw a tantrum when Bruce refused to hold her party at the fast food restaurant so they compromised. )

Chipmunk didn’t seem interested in anything other than food, and there’s a lot of food because teenagers can _eat_. His plate was stacked high with whatever he could get his hands on and are gone almost as soon as they’re on it. He eventually moved from the junk food to the dessert table, eyes wide with awe and mouth agape at the lavish display. His favourite seem to be the vanilla cake with pink buttercream and those little mouse sized chocolate cupcakes. Jesus, does anyone ever feed this kid? And. Wait- Ah shit, he’s choking.

Tears welled up in Chipmunk’s eyes— blue. They’re a shade of stupid blue,— and he started hacking. Jason panicked. Shit, Bruce would kill him if he let some poor civilian kid choke to death on pastry.

Before he could even move from his spot a teen that looked suspiciously like Superboy is by Choking Blue Eyed Chipmunk’s side, smacking his back so hard he spat out the remains of what might have been a blueberry muffin. _Ew_. It didn’t take long for a crowd to gather and poor Blue Eyes looked like he’s going to cry from being overwhelmed.

One of the girls offered him a glass of what appeared to be orange juice, another kid started flossing while he drank it. Then someone got a brilliant idea from Blue Eyes’ near death experience to do the Chubby Bunny challenge. Jason watched as Blondie herself ripped open a bag of marshmallows she whipped out of nowhere and everyone started shoving them in their mouth.

Blue Eyes knows no fear, putting potential choking hazards into his mouth for the second time of the day, until his cheeks were puffed in a fucked up adorable way. If someone tried to convince him Blue Eyes’ actually part chipmunk he wouldn’t oppose. It wasn’t long until someone started choking again. Superboy Lookalike did the smacking thing and marshmallows got spat on Alfred’s perfectly trimmed grass. The group cheered. 

And Jason just, can’t anymore. He got up and left.

That night when he’s lying in bed, Jason thought about Blue Eyes and his quest to devour the entire buffet lineup. He gets a sudden craving for blueberry muffin and it keeps him up all night. He really hopes Bruce doesn’t make him have a birthday party too. Who’s he even going to invite? Probably Blue Eyes if they ever meet again.


End file.
